What You Nearly Lost
by Steff
Summary: Patsy and Delia finally reunite. Delia needs to show Patsy exactly how the separation and lack of communication has affected her.


**Summary** : Patsy and Delia finally reunite. Delia needs to show Patsy just how much she has been affected by the separation.

 **Disclaimer** : Call The Midwife belongs to the BBC and others - I am simply borrowing their beautiful characters.

 **Author's note:** There are a whole raft of fics dealing with Patsy and Delia's reunion. If you want a sensitive, in-depth reflection of it's impact on Delia, I highly recommend LazyBoo's "For the Longest Time".

This fic is a little more visceral (and a lot more smutty frankly). I originally set out for it to be angry make-up sex, but it morphed into something a little different. I would say it's out of character, but I have been told by feedback on AO3 that it isn't really. Besides, they've kissed in the street. In public. That's pretty out of character!

Do note the rating - it's certainly a little racier than the stuff I usually post on here.

Once again, not beta'd - far too embarrassing to ask them to do that for this!

* * *

Delia tried to smile and allow the celebratory mood that surrounded her to uplift her. But it was so hard. She was surrounded by friends, and knew that they loved her, and yet she had never felt so lonely in her life. She watched the carousel turn, projecting the joy of Barbara and Tom's wedding day and noticed the smiling faces of everybody else present. Valerie was laughing and waving at other guests as she sat astride one of the horses. Trixie seemed to have found a firm friend in Christopher's daughter. Delia sighed. She hoped Trixie had at last found true happiness. She certainly deserved it.

The diminutive nurse sighed as she looked away, but could not help but spot the Turners. Their own joy at the addition to their family augmented the celebratory feel, and Delia could feel nothing but happiness for them. But their happiness - everyone else's happiness, served to accentuate her personal sadness.

Delia tore her eyes away from the scene altogether, needing to focus on something a little more neutral while she tried to find a sense of equilibrium. She walked slowly, as she sought to rationalise her emotions. As she glanced down the street, Delia felt her heart clench. An unmistakeable outline standing just under the bridge made her catch her breath.

Patsy.

Her initial reaction was one of disbelief and relief, and Delia blinked quickly, in an attempt to stem the tears before they started.

Patsy raised her hand in a muted greeting. It was more a confirmation that she was actually real and the reality of the situation suddenly sunk in.

Delia's feet were moving before her brain even acknowledged what she was doing. She walked purposefully down the road to where Patsy was waiting. The tall midwife had already put down her suitcase. But Delia wasn't looking at Patsy. She couldn't. Not until she knew that they could speak without interruption.

Patsy saw Delia stride towards her. She knew she should have written to let Delia know, but her sole focus was getting home and reuniting with the one person who meant more to her than everything else. Patsy had boarded the ship and set sail before she realised that she hadn't put pen to paper, and by then it had been too late. The look on Delia's face was enough to deeply underscore the regret and shame she felt with that error.

As she drew level, Delia grabbed Patsy's hand and pulled her further back down the street, and into the alcove between the bridge and the cafe. It was not completely secluded but it would have to do.

Patsy let herself be dragged into the more discrete location. As Delia pulled her round to face her, the tall, red-haired midwife could feel the hurt and anger rolling off Delia in waves. It took her a moment to garner the courage to look her in the eye. "I got on the boat the day after the funeral." Patsy wasn't sure that _sorry_ was going to be enough, so she didn't even start there.

Delia kept a tight grip on her composure but knew her voice would betray her. "I didn't know. I didn't know you were coming back." At that precise moment, Delia wasn't sure if she was simply referring to the surprise arrival, or if she was referring to the rest of her life. From the pain that gripped her chest, she realised that it was the latter, and that to even have that doubt was devastating.

Patsy saw. And she knew. And she also knew that she was the source of that doubt. She had to do something to remind them of their shared determination and commitment. "I did. I always did."

The words were not enough. She could see Delia's eyes glimmering with emotion. She shook her head slightly as her mind raced. "And wherever I go next, you're coming with me." Deliberately, Patsy reached out and grabbed the lapel of Delia's coat and tugged the woman towards her.

Delia grabbed Patsy's face as they kissed, demonstrating her desire to hold onto the other woman and never let her go. She couldn't even begin to comprehend that they were kissing in public, just yards away from a wedding celebration. The need to reconnect, no matter how briefly, overwhelmed every other thought.

All too soon, Patsy broke off the kiss. She looked at Delia sheepishly even as her lover gave her a slight grin. Wordlessly, they turned to walk up the street. Patsy couldn't help but look around. Years of living in fear had left their mark, but she was distracted as Delia bent down and grabbed her suitcase. "How chivalrous of you," she commented, bowing her head slightly in thanks at the gesture.

Delia smiled back, but there was still a tension in her face. "One kiss in the street does not get you off the hook, Patience Mount. We need to talk. A lot."

Patsy sighed again and her face displayed her emotions. "I am sorry," she whispered. She kept it simple. She wasn't going to dilute the apology with an explanation or an excuse. Not this time.

"I know," Delia replied, equally simply. "Come on. You're just about to be overwhelmed with welcomes home. I want to talk to you when we aren't going to be interrupted."

Patsy blanched slightly. In her imagination, their reunion had been one of hugs, kisses and loving touches. The reality was viscerally different, but far more realistic.

There was suddenly no more time for musings as she heard her name being called, by many different people. Patsy was enveloped first by Trixie, and then by an astonished Barbara.

"Oh my goodness. You're here. What a marvellous gift for my wedding."

Patsy couldn't help but grin. "I'm sorry I didn't get back in time for the ceremony. Congratulations."

They hugged again. It signalled the start of many greetings. Patsy kept a smile plastered on her face, but kept Delia firmly in her sights as she acknowledged friends and colleagues alike. She made suitable cooing noises over the Turner's latest addition, and was introduced to Christopher and Alexandra. Patsy was genuinely delighted that Trixie seemed to have at long last found happiness. Nurse Dyer seemed to be down to earth and easy going, and Patsy was convinced that they would get along famously.

All she really wanted to do however, was find a private spot and bask in Delia's presence. Perhaps her thoughts were more obvious than she thought, as Nurse Crane took her by the elbow and pushed her towards the steps of Nonnatus House.

"You look done in, Nurse Mount. There is entertainment enough for you to make your excuses and have a rest. Everyone will understand."

Patsy looked at Phyllis gratefully, but her manners prevented her from moving. "Are you sure, Nurse Crane? I feel rather obliged to ensure that I celebrate with Barbara and Tom."

The northern nurse raised an eyebrow and tried a different approach. "Travelling is a tiring business. And I must inform you that one of my tasks as bridesmaid is to ensure that the bride is not upstaged. While everyone is delighted to see you, they will still be delighted to see you tomorrow. And the next day. It will only be Barbara's wedding day today."

Patsy smiled. "Thank you Phyllis. But I'm not quite sure where I can billet for the time being."

Phyllis frowned and looked at Patsy sternly. "I'm sure Nurse Busby will be able to help you out." She made a pretence of looking for the nurse, despite knowing exactly where she was located. "Nurse Busby, would you mind Patsy sharing your room tonight until we can make alternative arrangements?"

Delia nodded as she approached. "Of course." She smiled softly at Phyllis, knowing that she was blushing slightly.

Delia walked past with Patsy's suitcase in hand, and stepped into the convent.

Phyllis caught Patsy's arm as she turned to follow Delia. "Never take for granted what you have Nurse Mount," she whispered.

"I know that," Patsy replied defensively.

Phyllis nodded as she moved back towards the celebration. "Make sure you do," she warned, not waiting for any further response.

Patsy trotted quickly up the stairs and stepped into Delia's room without knocking. Delia turned from where she was placing the suitcase in the corner and moved to where Patsy was standing. Without saying a word, she side-stepped the taller woman and grabbed the book that lay on her bedside table. She dropped it on the floor and used her foot to wedge it firmly into the gap under the door.

The second the make-shift barrier was in place, Delia spun round and grabbed Patsy by the lapels of her coat. She pulled the woman towards her and they kissed again hungrily, knowing that there was no danger of being observed this time. The kiss was desperate and hungry, and Delia quickly deepened it, swiping her tongue over Patsy's lips and grabbing the side of her face in a repeat of the embrace outside.

Patsy wrapped her arms around Delia and pulled her in close, needing to connect in every way. She felt Delia pull her round slightly and was happy to allow her to take the lead as their kiss continued.

Delia controlled the kiss completely, her tongue dominating Patsy's as she revelled in her presence. Her hands moved back towards Patsy's coat and she once again grabbed hold of the lapels, but this time she yanked the coat open further and tugged it down over Patsy's shoulders.

Once free, Delia simply threw the coat behind her, not interested in where it ended up. She pushed Patsy back until the other woman connected with the wall. Delia had no intention having a sweet and slow reunion. There would be time to explore each other's bodies later, possibly when she had calmed down and the pain of feeling isolated and alone had dissipated. Right now, she needed Patsy. And she needed Patsy to know that.

Delia ran her hands over Patsy's shoulders and allowed them to ghost over the swell of her breasts but she had one firm destination in mind and was in no mood to prolong the wait. She kissed Patsy forcefully, leaning into her and pinning her against the wall. She could feel Patsy grabbing at her coat but Delia wasn't interested in her own state of undress. That would happen later.

Her hands reached the waistband of Patsy's pedal pushers and she untucked the blue and green striped blouse hurriedly, wanting to feel Patsy's skin. She felt goosebumps rise on her lover's skin as her fingertips traced the line of her trousers, moving inexorably towards the fasteners.

Delia bit Patsy's lower lip and tugged slightly even as she flipped the button open and pulled down the zip. She felt Patsy grasp her shoulders, fingertips digging in as Patsy responded and she allowed the taller woman to resume the kiss.

As Patsy's tongue touched hers, Delia pushed her hand down underneath Patsy's knickers and into hot arousal. She ran her fingers through the slickness, coating them thoroughly before pressing into Patsy's most sensitive spot.

Patsy arched at the intimate contact, breaking the kiss again as she drew in breath, but had barely exhaled when Delia covered her lips with her own again, kissing voraciously as she circled and stroked Patsy relentlessly. Every touch was electric and the sensation was overwhelming. Patsy could barely concentrate to respond to the kiss, so attuned she was to every single movement of Delia's fingers.

Delia kept up the pace and pressure, determined to bring Patsy to the brink quickly. She knew Patsy could barely return the kiss, but it didn't matter. She felt the tension in the taller woman grow and grow. She could see the cords in Patsy's neck stand out as she crescendoed.

Suddenly, Patsy arched again, pulling away from the kiss and clamping her lips together in an effort to remain silent as ecstasy flooded through her. Her eyes were screwed tightly shut and her breath came in short, rapid pants as she tried to control her limbs.

Delia stilled her hand but did not remove it for the moment, allowing her lover a moment to recover.

Patsy could feel her pulse pounding and could hear the heavy rasp of her own panting. She took a deeper breath and opened her eyes, to be met by what could only be described as a smoulderingly intense look. "Delia?" She managed, her voice a whisper.

"Are you alright?" Delia asked equally quietly.

Patsy nodded and opened her mouth to speak when she found herself grabbed by the shoulders and spun round.

"Good. Because I'm not done," Delia whispered firmly, pushing Patsy backwards.

The back of Patsy's knees hit the bed and she sat down hurriedly.

The sudden change of position didn't stop Delia. Quickly, she shrugged her coat from her shoulders and left it where it fell. Eyes stormy, she dropped to her knees and ran her hands down to grab the waistband of Patsy's pants, snagging her knickers at the same time. Her intent obvious, she pulled at the garments, nodding approval as Patsy lifted her hips to help in their removal. As she reached Patsy's pumps, she tugged them off too, and tossed the whole twisted bundle up against the door.

Her objective achieved, Delia looked back up to where Patsy sat, leaning back on her hands, and flush with arousal. Her eyes blazed again and her nostrils flared as she bent down, kissing and licking each milky white calf, steadily working her way to her intended destination. Periodically, she would look up at Patsy, her blue eyes passionately dark as she nipped delicate skin, teasing hisses of pleasure and tension from her lover.

With a push on Patsy's knees, Delia wordlessly encouraged Patsy to scoot back and lie down. Her hands pushed the midwife's thighs apart, and she kissed sensitive skin, biting lightly and then swirling patterns over the reddened area with her tongue in a soothing motion. She ran her nails up Patsy's legs, creating red lines with the less than gentle touch.

There was no doubt what Delia wanted to do. Patsy found herself holding her breath as the brunette got closer and closer to her core, maddened by the pace that Delia was setting. She gasped as she felt Delia's fingers brush over her.

Finally. Finally Delia reached where she wanted to be. Slowly, she used her fingers to give her better access and flicked her gaze back up to see Patsy leaning up slightly, watching her. Her eyes burned with desire and she looked back down, knowing what Patsy was expecting her to do. Instead, she drew the torment out, blowing on Patsy's heated flesh for a few seconds, eliciting a hiss of surprise from the redhead.

Very slowly, Delia used a flat tongue to lick Patsy, savouring her sweet arousal. For a few moments, she simply repeated the movement, relearning Patsy's responses and rhythm. As Patsy's motion grew more frenzied, Delia stiffened her tongue, and focused her attention on the hypersensitive nerve bundle. Within a few strokes, she found the most responsive spot and then concentrated all her attention in drawing every sensation out of Patsy.

Delia could feel the tension building in her lover. She shifted her weight slightly and drew a hand up, running her fingers through wet folds even as she continued to lick and suck at her. She could hear Patsy's strangled attempts to remain quiet at every rhythmic ministration and knew that she was close once again. As Patsy arched into her face once again, Delia buried her fingers into the other woman's core. Her lips twitched into a satisfied smile for the tiniest of moments as she heard Patsy groan at the intrusion but did not pause in her activity, setting a new rhythm for Patsy to dance to.

Delia needed this. She needed Patsy to come alive under her touch and to respond to her every command. And she needed to refamiliarise herself with the woman she loved; the woman she thought she had lost. Steadily, Delia pushed deeper into Patsy, swirling her tongue over and round her clit to heighten every sensation.

Patsy's harsh gasps punctuated the stillness of the room, although the sound of laughter from the carousel meant that it was not totally silent. She could feel the muscles in her neck and shoulders bunching as the tension built within her. Delia was working expertly, and relentlessly. She could barely get enough oxygen into her system. Her breath caught and snagged with every touch and she felt dizzy as she panted.

Suddenly, Delia found exactly the right spot again, and Patsy's eyes slammed shut as she flung her head back into the pillow on the bed, arching and gritting her teeth in a monumental effort to keep quiet even as Delia drew everything out of her.

Patsy collapsed, certain she was done and that she had nothing left. Her chest was heaving but she at last was coming down.

Delia wasn't finished.

After the briefest of pauses, she curled her fingers and searched for the perfect point inside that made Patsy arch every time. Patsy's eyes shot open instantly at the stimulation and her body reacted before she even registered what she was doing. She moved to Delia's rhythm again, this time coming quickly in the space of a few strokes.

"Oh god, Deels. No more. I'm done. You've killed me." The words came out hurriedly in a series of gasps. Blindly she reached down for Delia and grabbed hold of her dress, tugging at it in an effort to get Delia to move up and join her. She sighed as she felt Delia's fingers leave her but it was more important to get Delia into her arms right now.

Delia slowly travelled up the bed and settled next to her lover. Patsy turned her head languidly, and she wondered how long it would be before her brain started functioning properly again. "You're fully dressed," she stated superfluously.

"I know," Delia replied blandly. "I was busy."

Patsy gave a lop-sided grin and traced her fingers over Delia's cheek. "What was all that about?" She asked quietly. "Not that I'm ungrateful obviously," she qualified hurriedly.

Delia smiled wanly. "I thought I lost you," she replied softly. The smile faded. "I nearly lost myself," she added.

Patsy blinked back tears. "I'm sorry," she repeated her apology. "And I promise you that whatever we do in the future, we do it together." She swallowed. "I mean it Deels."

Delia nodded shakily, the enormity of the reunion finally starting to sink in.

Patsy saw the signs easily. "We're both exhausted. Let's sleep tonight and begin anew in the morning." She looked over to the far corner where her suitcase had been left, not relishing the prospect of having to get up.

Delia shifted slightly and pulled open one of the bedside drawers. "Don't worry about finding pyjamas. I've got plenty," she reminded Patsy, handing over a set.

Patsy smiled in relief as she took the garments. "Thank you." She paused a beat. "Deels, these are mine."

 **~Finis~**


End file.
